mothers

In church this past Sunday our Relief Society lesson was on the Family. Specifically, our roles as mothers in our families. (Was yours too? I do love how they try to keep them all in sync these days.)

It really got me thinking about my current role in my little family. No, it’s not the role that Eric and I both want me to be playing, but it is the role that our family needs at this time. Right now, I work outside of the home. Right now, I am the sole income for our tiny little family. It is a huge responsibility and I try my hardest to do it to the best of my abilities. It’s been especially hard with this latest career shift because the truth of the matter is that I’m just not happy with this new move. It’s not what I was expecting. At all. In fact, I’m hoping for a shift back to the print and packaging project management world rather soon. But in the mean time, I make do with what I have and I provide for my family. And that is all that I can ask for at the moment. Happiness in the work place will come, I know it will. Obviously not with this current role, but hopefully soon. 

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Ultimately, I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to be there from sun up to sun down to raise my children the way Eric and I see best and to teach them everything that I possibly can. I want to be there for all of their firsts including their first mistakes and I want to be able to experience life with them, in the thick of it all, not standing on the sidelines getting regular updates from the sitter. (which I do really appreciate at this time!)

I know my dream life isn’t for everyone. I know my dream life isn’t what society even thinks is a good one, but this is the life that I want. That I can’t wait to finally have. 

I can’t wait to be the Queen of my home all day, every day, ad nauseam.  Because these are the BIG things that matter to me. The board meetings and the campaigns, the graphics refreshes and the trade shows. Those are all fun and exciting and something that I get to look forward to every day these days. But someday, hopefully very soon, I can look forward to tea parties or monster truck races or coloring and outdoor adventures. Learning the colors of the rainbow and how to properly articulate yue-wow (yellow) and gween (green). How to draw the letters of the alphabet and then how to do it in cursive, because it is still important. 

I want to be able to volunteer in my children’s classrooms and go to battle for them if they need it. And to teach them how to pick their own battles and how to let somethings slide because the end goal is the only thing that really matters. All the rest is just the really cool and exciting stuff along the way. 

Right now whenever we go outside Quinn immediately runs over to the the neighbors lawn and plays with her yard ornaments. She has ceramic birds, and turtles and cats and deer and all kinds of animals and things to explore. There’s a bird bath that I’m always trying to keep him out of, strictly for sanitary reasons. I do thoroughly encourage playing in the dirt and smearing it all over your face. (But maybe the church parking lot, while wearing a white shirt and tie isn’t the best idea, yup, we’ve been there.) 

Right now, I love to watch Quinn explore our entryway and jump off our porch onto the moss below. I love watching him run laps as he races over to the stairs so he can race back over to the end and jump off again. I love watching him find puddles after rainy days and jump for joy in them, even when he’s not wearing his wellies. And I especially love attempting to pick up all of his millions of cars that he spreads around the house every single day. They’re usually inside of things. Like in the clothes hamper, or in the trash can, or even in the washing machine when I mistakenly leave it open even just a crack.

My role right now is equally as important as my dream role. And I know that. And I love that. And I look forward to my dream of being the Queen of my own roost. 

the end.