This is one of those wordy, heavy posts.
We’ve been thinking about babies lately. Ours is almost two and since we would like to have a fairly large family – God willing – and since we’re no spring chickens… we’ve been thinking about babies lately. It was the hardest day of my life to have to leave my baby to go back to work. It just about kills me every morning to have to walk out the front door and leave him for the majority of the day, letting someone else hold him when he cries, or snuggle with him when we wants to read a book, and smell the top of his head because it’s the best smell in the world. It really, truly hurts. The hubs and I have been working toward the same goal for the past, forever, and we’re so close to the finish line. He’s graduated, he has a job lined up, he needs his license and a good in-flux of patients and then our goal can become a reality. Then this little mama can finally stay at home with her boy and raise him, and hold him and smell his head whenever she wants.
I made a promise to my next child, that I would never have to leave them to go to work. Which is part of the reason why I am so hesitant to be thinking about babies. Those worries and fears, those nasty ‘what if’ thoughts creep into my mind and I can’t fathom not being able to keep my promise. I’ve had a few nasty break downs over this topic these past few months and every time Eric reminds me that he’s here, working toward that same goal with me, and that he’ll never stop. I know I have his upbringing, our religion, and many other things to be grateful for that have helped to create this man for me. That allow me that peaceful, calming feeling whenever the world creeps into my heart and tries to turn it cold. I have Eric’s love and the love of the Lord to keep me buoyed.
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| Quinn. 12 weeks old. |
day four – letterbox. This one’s mine. I was going to get all artsy and drive around until I found the ‘perfect’ letterbox, but then my body reminded me I have a cold and told me to get my butt into bed. The end.
